It’s not often that I get super deep and personal on this blog. Nothing against anyone that reads my blog, but those conversations tend to be with the three people I trust most.
However, 2015 has me thinking.
And by thinking, I mean has me scared outta my mind about certain life fears.
The biggest being my absolute desire, need, want to have a baby. I’m hardly getting younger here (almost 32) and when my doctor laid it on me at the end of 2014 that getting pregnant, yet alone maintaining a pregnant, was going to be difficult, I started freaking out. (Thank you again thyroid cancer for continuing to be a real pain in my ass…five years after the fact.) Apparently when you have an unbalanced thyroid, that continues to fluctuate, that’s going to cause issues when I am ready to have a baby.
It’s weird…I never thought I wouldn’t be a mom. And the thought/realization that maybe I may not has me absolutely terrified. Ask Shaunte, Jess or Monina. These poor women have to hear it from me often but always reassure me I’m not as old as I think I am (thank goodness). And yes, I know there are other ways to have children and it’s not that I’ve closed those options off, but deep down I’ve always wanted to experience a pregnancy and actually give birth (more than likely with some pain meds).
Facebook tends to be a huge trigger for me. All of the babies and ultrasounds and cuteness. It’s way too much for me and my ovaries and clock at this point and time. Seeing friends who are so insanely happy can tend to bring out my jealousy and I need help keeping this in check.
So with that all said and with me being more vulnerable than usual, what’s your current life fear?